gw n shera baru 'klop' lagi semenjak reunian kecil banget kemaren ama bryan.hmm..gw pikir bakalan canggung n aneh2gtu tp... masi asik walopun byk pages yg qt miss, tp it's never too late to catch up.h3 n dy baru baca blog gw (luckily masi dikit postinganny ga kaya blognya dy, so gw ga bacain smua dhe,pusink bro!!h3) n dy komen puanjaaaangggg bgt di entry itu.dy bilang si emang, dy komen panjang, tp.. hahahahha..gw ga nyangka yg dy blg panjang tyt emg panjang yag.h3..
hmm...dr baca komen2dy, gw jd mikir sedikit. to be honest, judulny kan "new life day1" so it means itu skitar tgl 13 ato 14 juli 08. hmm..skrg ud new life day..(wait,brapa ya??) eh month 1, day skian2deh.males liat tanggalan. n pada saat tu lah gw 'melepaskan' hidup gw yg lama. smua 'rasa' yg pnh ada, dendem,benci, sakit ati, dkk. bahkan rasa benci gw am diri gw ndiri.smua ud gw pendem waktu dicelepin ke air.haha (ngerti kan maksud gw?) walopun i pikir komenan ny cra ud agak 'basi' tp i bersyukur coz skrg ada masalah ni timbul nih.err bukan masalah si, tp mungkin pikiran.tp ga tlalu dipikirin juga si, soale byk kegiatan laen.h3.. intinya gitu deh...
yaa pokoke ngomongin soal cowo, u know, i'm suck in romance, i'm not good with boys. but who cares??!! now, i juz wanna be frenz wid anyone, no matter they like me or not, i just wanna be their frenz. but another 'event' just happened on saturday (30oct08). one of my high school boy
on 1 hand, i wanted to go (coz i didnt have any food left at home, either.h3) but on the other hand,i was so tired n at 2 i'll have MD practice @church. tight schedule.hyuhh.. moreover when i asked "sapa aja" he said "ga ad sapa2 tuh kyna" byuh.... in the end, i rejected it coz i was too tired.
well, seeing those comments on 'new life day1', it got me thinkin', "hmm.. i dun really care bout my romance life now. i'm happy just as who i am. but, i'm pretty old now. n one of my dreams is i wanna marry relatively young have wonderful family etc etc. so, someday, sooner or later, i still need to find someone who's also finding me (kekeke..). now i have this guy, whom i 'feel' (not think) is kinda ... u know... maybe approaching me (i dont mean to be overconfident but... that's just what i felt). previously, i promised God, i'll forgive everyone who has hurt me, including my frens, my enemies, my fam, n myself. n i also promised to open my heart to discover God's love, so... this time i wanna open my heart, love everyone i know, spread d love n joy.
actually, i just wanna be frens with him, not more (since i dun really know him either). but if i keep on being 'nice' in front of him, i'm afraid he'll really hv crush on me. n when he does while i dont, wew, that'll be another problem. coz i dun wanna hurt people's feelings like i often did in the past. i know how it feels to be hurt, so i'm tryin my best not to hurt anyone... anymore!!hehe..
hmm... i dun know how our story will continue. sometimes i think, okelah, just give him (and maybe myself) a chance, try to know him better. but, 1 major problem everytime i think bout that probability:
HE'S NOT CHRISTIAN. HE'S BUDDHIST
err ... if i make a dialog for a play, perhaps it'll be like this (the thoughts inside my mind n heart):
one part of my heart: "i've always prayed for God to give me someone with d same religion n blabalbalba... talking bout knowing if s/o is d ONE sent by God or not, now i'm confused. how can he be d one that God sent to me if he's not even a christian??
another part:'well, maybe it's God's plan to make u His minister, to serve Him, to bring ^life^ to Him'
that one part: yea i know, but... i don't really know, actually. so what should i do???
another part: just give him a shot
one part: but.. what if in the end he doesn't wanna be christian or we just dont fit in well. how then??i dun wanna hurt another feelings..
another part: ..or maybe u just dun wanna hurt ur feelings!
usually after such a long 'battle' in my heart, i just 'quit playing games with my heart' (ukh bsb's song. muach muach love u guys so much.hehe..). i just stopped before reaching final conclusion. so til now, i dun know. haha... hmm.. maybe d best way is just face it!! God, just --help me to figure out the difference between right or wrong weak or strong, day n night where i belong.... help me.. to make d right decisions, know which way to turn, lessons to learn....--- oops, keterusan deh, nyanyi laguny nick carter help me.haha...
oche lah, gajelas bgt ya i ini. masa tulis campur2gini sih. tp emg klo mo talk sentimentil kyny susah de pake indo.bis kata2indo tu dalem bangget.hahahahahahahHAH.. n i'm not really a sentimentil person tuh.h3
uda ah, ud bt mikirin gituan kelamaan. bs gila.huaakkkk.... just help me... nananananana... enak deh lagunya.haha..
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